The Scuba #4 by DeepSeaDan
I have received many e-mails over the last month or so asking where the next installment of my column is, if I quit reviewing things, if I died, if I forgot the password to my account, just all kinds of wacky theories out there. But what happened is so bizarre that it could only happen in the world of professional wrestling. For the last six weeks I have been in a coma.
Let me explain. I attended Nebraska Xhampionship Wrestling’s Tusslemania at the end of May. As you all know the main event was The Marxist v. The Living Suicide. I don’t want to review that here because I may end up reviewing what I remember from the event when I watch the DVD, but they did a spot where the crowd handed them whatever they brought to the arena. It’s a fun spot to see normally, except Nebraska arenas are notoriously strict for not letting you bring anything into the venue that could be construed as a weapon. So a few things are common: lit cigarettes with which one guy will burn the other, items from the food stand which don’t really hurt but are more for shame, and cell phones. I don’t know if you’ve tried it, but you crack a guy in the face with two or three cell phones and you’ll bust him open legit just as easily as with brass knucks.
Here’s where I come in. I was in the front row holding my phone out to take a picture of the action and The Marxist just grabbed it and smashed The Living Suicide in the face with it. The crowd popped huge because that was the shot that busted Living Suicide wide open. But I was livid. And so I entered No Man’s Land. I jumped the rail. The Living Suicide stopped selling the phone shot and popped up immediately. He and The Marxist both got chairs from the crowd and hit me with a conchairto and that’s the last thing I remember besides the huge pop it got.
Overall I would rate my decision to jump the rail a 3/10. I earned a mention in the local newspaper and achieved some minor glory on the NXW boards, but overall the cost of my hospital bill, new phone, and the pain far offsets that. I would have preferred a chance to get in some verbal offense, but I realize that they couldn’t risk appearing weak if I dropped an amazing insult on them (The Marxist would have been able to handle this easily, but The Living Suicide isn’t known for his mic skills).
The coma itself I would rate a 7/10. Some people say you aren’t able to dream during a coma. I’m pretty sure I did, though I’m not entirely sure it was coherent, or if I was hearing what was in the room around me and just making that my dream or what. I got to eat through a tube, which isn’t as glamorous as you’d think it is.
Just letting you know I’m alive and well. I’m DeepSeaDan and that’s The Scuba!