Event: WWE Live SmackDown (Old-School Theme)
Airdate: Tuesday, April 10th, 2012 (SyFy Network)
Location: The Hampton Coliseum in Hampton, VA
Results by Colin Rinehart

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Booker T, and Josh Matthews

We open with the clip of Daniel Bryan publicly dumping AJ on last week’s show, and sure enough he’s going to be our guest in the return of Piper’s Pit to Smackdown for the first time in six years tonight. Mean Gene Okerlund is in the ring to do interviews again just like the old days, which is pretty nifty, and he introduces the new World Heavyweight champion, Sheamus. Sheamus says he’s glad to be in the ring with a legend like Mean Gene while a minor “Daniel Bryan!” chant starts up and dies pretty quickly. Sheamus apologizes for giving a referee the Brogue Kick last week and losing his cool. Before he can get any further in his apology though, he’s interrupted by the regal music of our GM John Laurinaitis. Johnny makes his way down to the ring and shows the clip of Sheamus taking out the ref last week before getting into his face about his actions. He asks Sheamus to publicly apologize to the referee, even though he literally just did, as apparently Ace didn’t hear him and makes Sheamus apologize once again. Then he makes him apologize to the rest of the referees as well as the entire world apparently. That’s not good enough though as Laurinaitis decides to put Sheamus on probation (is it double-secret?) and if he touches a referee again he’ll be fired. Oh and he’s being fined $500,000 dollars apparently. He finishes up by telling him that Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio will be taking on Sheamus…and Mean Gene Okerlund?! Seriously?

Backstage Cowboy Bob Orton wishes his son Randy good luck in his match against Mark Henry, which is apparently next.

Randy Orton (28-10-1) vs. Mark Henry (16-10)
This is supposedly a warm up match for Henry in preparation of his third shot at CM Punk’s title on RAW next week. Orton goes right after Henry at the bell in the corner but Henry hits him with a big headbutt. Orton takes him into the opposite corner and Henry gives him a huge running powerslam out of it as we take another commercial break. When we return Henry is working an awkward chinlock on Orton as we see a clip of Henry getting sent into the steel steps and kicking out of a pin attempt during the break. Scoop slam followed by a running splash gets Henry a two count. He tries for a second one but Orton slides out of the way and hits him with a pair of clotheslines and a DDT. Henry tries for the World’s Strongest Slam and Orton counters it into an attempt at the RKO, but Henry counters that by shoving Orton out of the ring. Henry follows him out of the ring but gets slammed into the steel post for his troubles. And just when the match is starting to get good, Kane’s music hits and the Big Red Machine appears on the Titan Tron to tell Randy that he needed to beat Orton at Wrestlemania to once again become whole, and he did just that. Kane tells him they’re just starting to have fun however and the camera pans out to reveal Randy’s father, Bob, laid out on the floor beneath him. Well I should have seen that coming. Orton takes off to the back and the cameras follow him naturally as he makes his way to his wounded father only to have Kane jump him from behind with a steel pipe. Kane spouts off a cheesy one liner about being a sucker for family reunions just to bring the whole cheesy horror movie vibe full circle here. So no official ending to the match here I guess, it ran about 5:30 (shown) before it turned into an angle. Match was actually not bad while it lasted and was just starting to pick up steam before the abrupt non-finish. **

When we return we see a brief clip of Ted DiBiase and Tony Atlas watching on as jobber “Benny Camer” grabs a mic and says that this is his first match in the WWE, and is then promptly interrupted by his opponent, from Sin City apparently, Ryback.

Ryback (1-0) vs. Benny Camer (0-0)
What’s with the no-name jobbers returning lately? Well hey, I guess it does make it a more “old school” show in a sense. Ryback lariats the hell out of Camer at the bell and then follows up with a big running Samoan drop for the quick win at 0:34 seconds. Squash city, as I like to say. No clue why they felt the need to repackage Sheffield as this “Ryback” character. What the hell is a Ryback? 1/4*

Backstage Heath Slater is trying to convince Tyson Kidd to be his tag team partner to face the Uso’s tonight. He says he found them a Hall of Fame manager just for tonight, and that’s one Jimmy Hart. I never thought I’d be excited to see Jimmy Hart again, but hell, he could be a good manager for a random tag team these days.

The Hardcore Legend himself Mick Foley is out next after the break, and he’s apparently here to join the commentary team tonight. Cole gets the requisite insider shot in about Foley hating his time on commentary in the WWE during his last stint and we’re off into our next match.

Tyson Kidd/Heath Slater vs. The Uso’s (Jimmy Uso/Jey Uso)
Jimmy Hart is at ringside with Kidd and Slater as their manager for tonight as noted before. Not sure why Foley joined us on commentary for this match, but we’ll go with it. Kidd and one of the Uso’s start us off with a victory roll/roll-up trading sequence before Slater tags himself in and hits Jey? (yeah we’ll go with Jey) with a big neckbreaker. Jimmy Uso tags in now and hits Slater with a corkscrew elbow and follows up with the running ass slam for a two count. Both Uso’s hop in the ring now and Jimmy launches Slater in mid-air so Jey can give him a big Samoan drop. Jimmy Hart has been going off on Mick Foley at ringside with the loud-speaker during all of this and Foley is fed up now apparently, bringing out Mr. Socko to scare Hart off as the Uso’s finish Slater off in the ring with the Superfly Splash at 2:37. After the match Foley gives Hart the mandible claw and then apologizes over his megaphone. Not so much a wrestling match as an excuse to have Mick Foley give Jimmy Hart the mandible claw. I mean, not that that isn’t amusing, but was this really all they brought Mick and Jimmy in for tonight? The wrestlers here were totally secondary to the legends. *

Up next we’ve got Piper’s Pit to hopefully save an otherwise “meh” show so far. The Rowdy one himself makes his way out to the ring and looks better than he has in awhile to be honest, though maybe that’s just the WWE makeup. Piper starts off by telling the fans that he misses them in a nice moment, and then begins to talk about his guest tonight, Daniel Bryan, noting his 18 second Wrestlemania title loss and subsequent blaming of the loss on his girlfriend. We replay the clip of the break-up again and then Daniel Bryan, sporting the brand new YES! YES! YES! t-shirt (DO WANT), makes his way out. The Yes! Yes! Yes! chants start up immediately.

Piper notes that Bryan looks rather happy for a former champion, and Bryan announces that John Laurinaitis has granted him his rightful rematch with Sheamus for the World Heavyweight title at Extreme Rules in a 2/3 Falls match! Well right on, that’s a good start to make up for the 18 second title match at ‘Mania. Piper would rather talk about AJ though, and he introduces Bryan’s ex-girlfriend herself. The always adorable AJ makes her way out to the ring and thanks Roddy for letting her be on Piper’s Pit. Piper is shocked that she would say hello to Daniel, and she goes on to say that even though it doesn’t seem like it, deep down Daniel really is a good person. Piper doesn’t buy it, but AJ seems serious and does in fact say that Daniel’s loss was her fault. She says she just wants to make it up to Daniel. Piper tells AJ that she doesn’t need to make anything up for Daniel because she’s beautiful, intelligent, and strong, but Bryan interrupts him to tell AJ that if she really loves him, she’d leave the ring right now. Piper is awesome as the honorable old guy here, but AJ decides to leave the ring, which pleases Bryan immensely. Bryan goes to leave himself, but Piper tells him they’re not finished. He notes Bryan’s t-shirt and tells him some “No’s” instead of “Yes’s”, such as not telling a lady to shut up or use her as a shield because it makes you a coward. Piper says he’s glad that Bryan and Sheamus are having a 2/3 Falls match, because he’ll get to see Sheamus kick his head off twice. Bryan slaps Piper right in the face and then takes off like a good heel as the Rowdy one takes off his jacket, which means serious business gentlemen. Great little segment to keep the heel heat for Bryan coming and I’m glad that they’re going the Macho Man/Elizabeth route with him and AJ.

The Great Khali/Alicia Fox/Natalya vs. Drew McIntyre/Nikki Bella/Brie Bella
We return from the break with this mixed tag team match of epically random proportions. Khali starts off dominating Drew of course but he quickly decides he’s “better than this” and leaves the ring to take off backstage, abandoning the match. Fox gives one of the Bella’s a bridging Northern Lights suplex for the quick win at 0:55 seconds. After the match the Crypt Keeper from Tales From the Crypt—errr, excuse me, Mae Young, makes her way out to give Khali a big kiss. I’m pretty sure they’ll be playing replays of this entire match/segment on loop somewhere in Hell. DUD

Next we get a pre-taped Damien Sandow promo telling us about the definition of the word “sophistication”. He rambles on about the shallowness of the social media generation, then promises to be their beacon of light. Well hey, atleast he’s got a somewhat unique gimmick and Sandow is actually a pretty fine worker so he could wind up becoming a contributing member of the roster.

And now we get the RAW Rebound highlighting the pull-apart brawl between Brock Lesnar and John Cena as well as Lesnar giving Cena another F5. Is this really the best use of time on a live show less than 24 hours later?

Afterwards we cut backstage to Mean Gene Okerlund and Sheamus backstage. Gene thinks Sheamus has a trick up his sleeve because he’s all smiles, but no, Sheamus is just not going to let Laurinaitis see him sweat, and if they win their match tonight the first pint’s on Sheamus.

Hunico (6-3) vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan (0-1)
This looks like a WCW Saturday Night match from fifteen years ago. How sad is it that this isn’t even the first time Duggan’s been on Smackdown in a few months, as he lost a random tag match with Santino not long ago. Hunico tells us it’s his time in the WWE, but he gets sent to the floor by Duggan at the bell. Duggan wants back-up to combat with Hunico’s sidekick Comacho at ringside, so he calls out Sgt. Slaughter to help him. Sarge tosses him the 2 x 4 and Duggan nails Hunico with it to get himself DQed at 1:01. Duggan slams Comacho with the 2 x 4 while the Sarge puts Hunico in the Cobra Clutch. Not that I’m pretending anyone cares about Hunico but what in the blue hell was the point of this? No, seriously, what the f-ck did I just watch? DUD

Cody Rhodes makes his way out next to say that tonight has been a waste of our collective time, and I’m not sure I disagree with him. Rhodes says we should look to the future instead, a future where Rhodes is the Intercontinental champion once again but he’s quickly interrupted by his own father, the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. Cody tells his dad that this doesn’t concern him, but Dusty disagrees and says that he came into the WWE with all the potential in the world but he had to poke the bear that is the Big Show. Cody tries to cut him off and tell him that they can talk about this in the back because he’s embarrassing him, when the Big Show’s music hits and our Intercontinental Champion makes his way out to interrupt. Show shows us another “embarrassing moment” from Cody Rhodes, this time being one of the old “Dashing” Cody Rhodes promos where he applied some lip balm. I miss Dashing Cody Rhodes. Show takes off and I guess that’s it, that’s our segment. Another somewhat pointless promo.

Sheamus/Mean Gene Okerlund vs. Daniel Bryan/Alberto Del Rio
Yep, this is our “main event” folks. Bryan doesn’t even get his own entrance, being introduced in the ring when we return. Del Rio gets his extravagant one though, don’t worry. Howard Finkel does the introduction for Gene Okerlund, and I can’t help but reminisce about that famous promo with Okerlund training with Hulk Hogan many years ago. Sheamus and Del Rio start off with Del Rio eating a big elbow. Bryan and Del Rio trade quick tags and start to work Sheamus over in their corner, and I’m sure you can already see where this match is going. Bryan avoids the Brogue Kick from Sheamus and then sends him to the floor, where Del Rio takes out Sheamus with a kick to the head. Del Rio and Bryan bring Mean Gene into the ring now and even Ricardo Rodriguez jumps into the fun. Before they can jump him though, Piper’s music hits and the Rowdy one alongside the rest of the legends all come out to distract Bryan long enough so that Sheamus can recover, give him the Brogue Kick, and pick up the win at 3:24. And we have our record breaking third big fat DUD of the show ladies and gentlemen, give them a round of applause.

After the match all of the legends, including Howard Finkel, beat down the heels and begin to celebrate. Michael Cole makes his way into the ring to crack some jokes and Pat Patterson punches him in the face just to wrap up this entire clusterf*ck of a show in truly surreal fashion.

Credit: Colin Rinehart

What Happened *AFTER* SmackDown Ended – HUGE SEGMENT w/ LEGENDS!!!!…..