It Was All a Dream
By Triple A
What if the last three months for WCW never happened? What if all events after the nWo re-uniting were just a figment of Vince Russo’s imagination? What if it was all just a dream?
Setting: Vince Russo’s bedroom, 3:15 AM
(Creative Control, Ron and Don Harris are startled by noises coming from Vince Russo’s room. They walk over to see what the commotion is about)
Ron: Vince, Vince, wake up. What’s going on?
(Ron and Don begin to shake Russo, as he awakes from his sleep, wearing a ‘WWF Attitude’ jacket)
Russo: (sweating) What? What? What’s going on here?
Ron: I dunno Vince. You were saying some really weird sh*t.
Don: Yeah, man. We heard some yelling in here, we came in, and we heard you screaming ‘Do you know who I am, Bill Busch?’ at the top of your lungs.
Russo: Well, let me tell you something, Ron Harris, you’ve seen what’s gone on with WCW since I left. You’ve seen it, Ron Harris.
Ron: (confused) Huh?
Russo: Don’t give me that look, Ron Harris. You know what I’m talking about, Ron Harris. Or should I say, ‘Big Ron’
Ron: ...
Russo: ...
(confused silence for about 30 seconds, until it is broken by Tank Abbott, who barges in.)
Tank: Hey, Vince. What’s going on? I heard some yellin’ and I came over to check things out. You want me to knock these two guy’s lights out? You okay Vince?
Russo: Well, you know something, Tank Abbott, I was okay. I was okay, until those sons of bitches, Sullivan and Busch started talkin’ about their wrestling, and how they wanted to go back to wrestling, and how it would be better if they went back to wrestling. Tank Abbott, Busch started talking about going back to wrestling. I don’t write wrestling. I write sports entertainment. I don’t write wrestling. I came in to do a job. I don’t write wrestling. Before that, I was okay, Tank Abbott.
Tank: (looks at the Harris Bros. for a few seconds) ... Yeah... So, am I still getting my title shot?
Russo: Why are you asking me this question, Tank Abbott? Do you know who I am, Tank Abbott?
Tank: Oh... ok, then. (Tank walks out with his head down)
Russo: (Looks at Harris Bros.) What the f*ck are you lookin’ at?
(Silence for a few seconds)
Russo: Well?
(La Parka runs in, still wearing his wrestling attire and with a baseball bat in hand)
(La Parka stands silent for about a minute)
Russo: Well, aren’t you going to say something?
La Parka: ...
Russo: And why are you wearing your skull uniform at 3:00 in the morning?
Ron: Yeah, why?
Don: Hey, why are you carrying a baseball bat? Aren’t you supposed to carry a chair?
La Parka: ...
Russo: Well, say something, damn it. Aren’t you going to say something like ‘Da skull captain is in the hiz-owwws?’
(Ron and Don Harris and La Parka glance at each other, confused)
Ron: Look, Vince, you’re acting really...
(Ron Harris is interrupted by Roddy Piper, who runs in with a baseball bat in hand and a crazed look on his face.)
Piper: WELL, WELL, WELL POWERS TA BE! POWERS TA BE!
(Piper begins to swing at Russo’s television, hitting the bat against the screen several times, repeatedly. However, the screen does not break. He then smashes open a nearby window in Russo’s room, and climbs out.)
(Everyone in the room glances at each other, confused.)
Russo: How the hell is everybody getting in my house?
(Suddenly, Juventud Guerrera comes in, holding a microphone, a bottle of tequila and a baseball bat)
Juventud: FI-nally, da Juice, has come BACK to Vince Russo house! Hey baby, wassup, Vince. I come here to see what’s going on, baby. Da Juice is in da house and da house is in da juice, BABEE!
Ron Harris: Why are you carrying a baseball bat?
Juventud: I don’ know, I just pick one up from outside.
(La Parka grabs a folded chair off the wall, sets it up, and sits down.)
(Suddenly, Scott Hall walks in, stands for a few seconds, then walks out.)
(Lash LeRoux comes in, for no apparent reason.)
Lash: Baby, Lash Vegas in da house! HOOOOOOWEEEE!
(Lash continues his speech, but is not understood by anyone. He is interrupted by Juventud.)
Juventud: Hey, how you grow sideburns on your neck?
(Everyone stares at Lash LeRoux’s neck)
(Suddenly, Bill Goldberg, Perry Saturn, and Eddy Guerrero walk in)
Russo: Hey Bill! And Perry and Eddy! You guys came to visit? I really appreciate what you guys did for me, walking out on Busch, and all.
Eddy: Huh? Whaddyoutalkinabout Vince?
Saturn: I’ll tell you what he’s talking about. He’s talking about how last night... the Filthy Animals learned the answer to the age old question! How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? 1, 2, 3! ONE TWO THREE!
Goldberg: (Ignoring Saturn) We heard some screaming and some glass breaking and decided to check out what’s going on. Why is everyone in here? What’s going on?
Russo: Bill, your arm is healed? It’s healed??? And what, does everybody live friggin’ next door from here or something? Jeez.
(All wrestlers begin staring around the room, attempting to act casual.)
Goldberg: Healed? Listen Vince, I already told you, I’m not turning heel. I thought we agreed? I mean, I got this feud with Bret coming up. I mean, come on. Get real.
Russo: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on here, Bill Goldberg? Do you know who I am, Bill Goldberg? Don’t play games with me, Bill Goldberg. I don’t write wrestling. I write sports entertainment, Bill Goldberg.
Goldberg: Vince, what the hell are you talking about?
Russo: Don’t play games with me, Bill. You wanna know why WCW sucks right now, Bill? It’s because of Zbyszko, that’s why WCW sucks. Because of Zbyzsko. I don’t write wrestling, Bill. It’s because of Zbyszko.
Goldberg: What? Listen, Vince, I don’t know what the hell...
(Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Shane Douglas, and Chris Jericho walk in together, conversating)
Shane Douglas: So, I says to Heyman, I says "What do you mean you want me to use a ladder?"
(Douglas and Malenko begin to laugh hysterically.)
Russo: Chris, Dean, Chris??? Wait, why are you guys all here? What the hell’s going on here? Didn’t all you guys leave for the WWF?
Chris Benoit: Huh?
Juventud: I think I did.
Goldberg: Listen, Vince, I have no clue what you’re talking about here and I don’t think anyone else does. What’s all this crap about us leaving for the WWF?
Russo: Wait, wait, wait, Bill. So, Bill, what you’re saying is that you guys are all still with WCW? Bill, you’re saying that you’re all with WCW? Bill Goldberg, what you’re saying is that all you guys are still with WCW?
Goldberg: Yes, why do you keep repeating yourself?
Russo: Oh my God, so then all of this must be a horrible dream.
Goldberg: All of what?
Russo: Nevermind, Goldberg. Bill Goldberg, all that matters is that we’re all still here, even you, Chris Jericho.
Jericho: Huh? No, I was just in the neighborhood, which reminds me, I better get going. See you guys later.
Russo: Oh.
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