Yo. My name is Mike, and I liked RAW. Yes, I know, that makes me a sinner in the eyes of most fans, and in Texas you can legally execute me, so long as you buy me a beer first. I guess that's better then my hometown of Detroit, where it may not be legal to execute me but people try all the same. Oh yeah, News Report.
So, here's the deal: Martin, Triple A and myself are all busy this weekend. In fact, Martin's computer is in pieces and I won't even be anywhere near the Internet from Thursday until Tuesday. Some pickle, ain't it? So, I'm writin' my report Weds. and if it becomes outdated, oh well. Here, enough blabber, let's get this thing going.
For the second week in a row, we start the report off with a tragic note. As RAW already stated, "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith died at the age of 39 of a heart attack. Preliminary reports suggest that steroid use may have had something to do with the passing. There is a small spat over where his body will be buried, but out of respect for him I leave that alone. TPWW.net and its staff send their thoughts to Davey Boy Smith's family in the trying time.
In other news, the story out of RAW is that Nash and X-Pac had been back to playing their old games of manipulation of management. The reality is that they were just fed up with the direction of their gimmick. Apparently, when Pac and Nash got their scripts they were unhappy, but X-Pac was the only one who said anything. He basically was like "I quit." and prepared to leave the company. Nash was calmer about it and went to Shane-o-Mac and said something, then caught up with X-Pac and stopped him from walking out. They then sat down with a member of the writing team (as is customary before shows) to work out the kinks on their angle. Although first reports had them threatening to quit if they didn't get their way, the truth is X-Pac just up and quit out of frustration but cooler heads prevailed. No crisis this time, nothing to see.
Fans have not responded favorably to RAW, and although once again I did thoroughly enjoy it, the ratings show most people disagreed. RAW got a 3.7, which if you didn't know, is bad. Its supposed to be the worst rating in around 4 years if you add a quantifier or two like "non-holiday" and "regularly scheduled".
In other ratings news, last week's HeAT apparently broke a record. That record was worst cable rating the Sunday night WWE show has ever received. It got a 0.9 with a 1.7 share, which is REALLY funny when you consider that it was right before the pay-per-view. I wonder if that is any indication of the buy rate? Additionally, Tough Enough's Saturday editions each received a 0.6. and Excess scored slightly better with 0.7 and 0.8 in its two hours respectively. The only thing I have to add about the ratings is this: Ouch.
Apparently WWE management agrees with my statement. Rumors are that the company is uneasy with the current downward spiral of their ratings but have no real plan of action. Hence, they are just taking a "passive approach" until some big idea comes along. How about this for a big idea: STOP SEARCHING FOR THE NEXT BIG THING! Sit back for a few months, build up some stars like Rob Van Dam and Eddie Guerrero, keep pushing Edge and Jericho, reestablish Triple H and Steve Austin's characters and when you've got some good fresh characters THEN start trying to get the hype machine going again. Bringing people to your product is only a good thing when the show doesn't suck 60 percent of the time.
A quick RAW note: It is being reported that The Undertaker suffered an injury during the opening segment with Van Dam and was told not to compete, but he struggled through it to help elevate Rob Van Dam. Taking an injury just so you can give the rub to a younger star when everyone told you to take the night off? That's proving why you're a locker room leader right there. Kudos to the ‘Taker.
Now, I have to ask you fans a question. Don't you just want a cheeseburger? Now, wouldn't you like that very same cheeseburger to be served to you on a platter by former wrestling legend "Mean" Gene Okerland? Although your fantasy isn't possible yet, if you live in the San Diego area, it is one step closer to breaking into reality with the announcement of Mean Gene's Burgers. The shop is on the corner of Mace and Main in Chula Vista and according to "Mean" Gene himself, they feature burgers that say "bite me!"
Now, before you Okerlund fans in other areas get too upset that there isn't a new burger stand near you, cheer up! Now you too can own your very own slice of wrestling stamped restaurants by opening up your own "Mean Gene's Burgers"! Just write to "Mean Gene's Burgers (Orion Foods) 2930 W. Maple Street, Sioux Falls SD 57101" or call 1(800)648.6227. Also, you can fax them your request to own the right to open your own store at 1(605)336.0141. Tell ‘em TPWW sent ya'! (For more information, visit www.OrionFoodSys.com)
Moving on, the "word on the street" is that Vince McMahon is secretly the downfall of everything wrestling related, but everyone is too scared to tell him to his face. I'd say for shows to be this hated its got to be a joint effort, so the entire writing committee, Vince McMahon, the wrestlers who contribute ideas, take a second and pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!
"The street" also says (or was it 1Wrestling?) that Steve Austin handpicked Eddie Guerrero for their segments and for an upcoming feud because he wanted "The best worker on RAW" to fight with. So Austin wants to ride the Latino Heat gravy train for all that its worth, eh? Why doesn't he just learn to get over on his own?
Close your e-mail windows, it was joking sarcasm. Yes, I know Austin is a star, blah blah blah. Get a sense of humor. Anyway, in other news from the backstage, Raven is said to be unhappy with being an announcer as he feels he still has some good years in the ring left in him. This explains why they jobbed him to Jerry Lawler on RAW. I remember back when Tazz was a "wrestler" and they jobbed him to the King to show him otherwise. Quickly Raven, get back behind the desk before you get put in a feud with the puppy-master. You don't want to get stuck with a "kiss my foot" match or anything.
Evan Karagias is set to show his face on the soap opera "Passions". He's taking the role of a ProWrestler, which should be a stretch considering he's from WCW. In all seriousness, though, I'm glad to see him getting some work. He was always one of my favorites to watch. "Ridin' the Cadillac!"
According to a non-published, pseudo-interview type-thing from 1wrestling, Vince Russo will not be working with the Jarretts' promotion on any full time basis. He simply doesn't want to answer to anyone when it comes to storyline ideas, so he will just be offering a thought here and there. He is not a full-time employee or a member of the booking staff, though, so don't think otherwise. Also, he is publishing a book on his rise and fall inside the WWF, which in a total coincidence is the same time the WWF begin to rise and fall as well. Weird how such things work out...
In related news, the NWA: TNA announced that its announcers will be Ed Ferrarra (think Oklahoma) Mike Tenay (think WCW's heel announcer, the one that called Stacy a liar) and Don West (think Sports Memorabilia for the Shop-at-Home Network). Although Tenay had some very good shows, he also was a little hit and miss, sometimes having horrible ones. If he steps up to the plate, Ferrarra can resist the urge to plug barbecue sauce and this Don West guy isn't a total dweeb, they just might have something.
Its being said that a lot of the people on RAW wish they were on SmackDown!, stating that it has a better sense of "fun" and there are more, better workers then the Flair "owned" show. If I had to guess, though, although most WWE RAW workers want to be on SmackDown!, most SmackDown! workers want to have an angle other then "Look at Mark Henry move a car!" Christian, I'm lookin' at you.
Rey Rey J (Rey Mysterio Jr.) worked for the HWA a little bit back, taking on BJ Whitmer and Chad Collyer with the help of his tag partner Spanky. He won the match (not surprisingly) and is scheduled to debut sometime over the next month or two. Of course, this may change simply because he's a Cruiserweight and they don't matter, but you know, it's a start.
Speaking of returns, rumor has it Benoit will be back and better then Viscera in early July. This would set him up to return around Vengeance, I'd think, and of course he'll be wrestling on the SmackDown! roster as per the Draft indicated. Some people think he may get traded since the RAW roster is a tad less "worker-heavy" then SD. I'd say that's doubtful considering his past with Jericho and his ability to mesh with Triple H and all.
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Joey Styles is claiming via press releases everywhere that he'll be announcing on the video release Major League Wrestling: Genesis. The tape features Jerry Lynn, Christopher Daniels, Bam Bam Bigelow, Shane Douglas, Taiyo Kea, La Parka and a mystery entrant in a 8-man tournament taking place at Viking Hall. Some of you may know it as the ECW Arena, others as a place to throw up when the show's over. Additionally, in an important distinction, ol' JS is taking back his role as a wrestling announcer, not a sports-entertainment one. That, plus the constant referencing to how loyal he was to ECW makes me think he's been reading either Paul Heyman's "Guide to brainwashing the masses" or Hulk Hogan's "Cheap Heat" volume 2: Director's cut.
The WWA are actually still around, according to some people, and they're having a show in Dublin. Sid Vicious is rumored to be their special former champ meaning he'll be appearing alongside "The Road Dogg" Jesse James and "Grandmasta' Sexay" Brian Christopher, who will assuredly keep giggling and asking him for some food.
I received this from TPWW.net reader Brian Zane
"I just bought the Hulkamania magazine, and I was reading it I saw a promotion for King of the Ring. It shows the Raw and Smackdown logos, with a muscular guy's silhouette walking between them. The guy looks to have little or no hair. This just my crazy speculation, but I think this could be someone new coming to the WWE. Although it could just be someone like Austin, the guy looked way too muscular to be him. Perhaps it could be someone like Scott Steiner, or possibly Goldberg? However, the WWE has been known to yank many a chain with their PPV posters, and leave a lot of people predicting things, so take this information with a grain of salt. Just thought you might like to know."
I made reference to the poster in my first report, but I haven't got to see it up close or study it. I would assume that the person in the picture is just a stand-in, not meant to really give away anything. However, if they do mean to give away the winner (which is unlikely), the person you described sounds a lot like Brock Lesnar. I doubt it's a foreshadowing, but stranger things have happened in WWE. Last year's main event did center around the dog of Triple H and Stephanie as opposed to anything silly like a title or a feud that has been ongoing since Jericho got that win on RAW all that time ago. I mean, history and built-in feuds are good and all, but dogs are cute. So was Stephanie, by the way. (Call me!)
And that, folks, that's about all there is to be published at my time of writing. My well of bad jokes has run dry, so I'm off. Hopefully between now and next week I'll find a lamb I can eviscerate to replenish myself, but regardless, I'll be back. Next week's News report is all mine, so prepare for that, and I'll see you guys either in my new Top Ten List or back here next week when I'm home from vacation. Have a happy Memorial Day weekend, I'm out, peace.
Michael Blaszkowski
threePunk@tpww.net
AIM: threePunk2oo2
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