WWF Raw is War Results – March 26, 2001

March 26, 2001
Cleveland, Ohio
Hosted by Jim Ross and Paul Heyman
Report by Fred Venturini – TPWW.net

PRE-RAW NOTES: VINCE ON NITRO!
Hello everyone, and welcome to TPWW’s coverage of RAW is WAR! This week has been a blockbuster, and I never thought I’d say it, but Vince McMahon was on WCW Nitro. He told everyone that WCW was in his hands, and was in character in a heel role. Flair responded in what is sure to be one of the most memorable promo’s ever on the final Nitro. He even mentioned wrestler’s cutting themselves and being pre-selected as champion. It also appears that Trish decided to make out with him in celebration, and Booker T was crowned unified champ. Scott Steiner was a good boy and did the job. Micheal Cole even asked McMahon about WCW’s fate, and Vince is totally playing the mean, cruel heel. I actually feel sorry for WCW, and I’ll mark out if Shane does indeed save the day. I mention this because there’s a “simul-cast” between the two locations if I understand it right, so this promises to be a spectacular night, and I swear that I’ll do my best to keep up with all the big developments as RAW crosses over to Panama City’s WCW Nitro, if that does indeed happen in the final hour.

So, into RAW we go! As Raw opens, we’re in the back. There are two TV’s with WCW and WWF on top of them. Vince is gloating over being owner of both as the crowd pops. He owns the competition, and tonight, he has the ability to address everyone as to what that means. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a simul-cast, and one man will make history, and that’s Vince. As far as the Jeff Jarrett’s of the world, they’ll spell their names differently. Double-G, Double-O, Double-N, Double-E . . . GONE! This is going to be great.

The pyro slams, and Kurt Angle comes out to some nice heat. The crowd seems pumped up after the opening. I’m still holy-shitting! The war is over Heyman says.

Angle says that everyone is up in arms over the big news, that they’re amazed. He says it is pretty damn shocking. The news he speaks of? Your Olympic hero still doesn’t have an opponent for WM! The damn Gobbeldy Gooker has a match, but I don’t, he says. What keeps him going? He’s still the best WWF wrestler, if not the world. The only Olympic gold medallist in WWF history . . . if the company is too pre-occupied to find him an opponent, he’ll have to keep complaining.

Holy crap, Benoit’s music hits!! He stand at the entry way. Benoit says that he has some good news, and some bad news. The good news is that he doesn’t have an opponent for Wrestlemania, and the bad news is . . . he doesn’t have an opponent for Wrestlemania. Listening to Angle whine is worse than his claim to being the best wrestler in the WWF, but the most annoying is that he just gives him a little bit of his time, he can make Angle tap, tap, tap like the bitch that he is, it’s true, it’s true.

Angle doesn’t take that lightly. Does Canada even have an Olympic team? Kurt has his own bad news. If that was a challenge, he accepts. Angle says he’ll never tap out to that crappy cross face, and he dares Benoit to prove him wrong.

Now both men start wrestling, with Benoit crossfacing Angle, and he taps! Now Edge and Christian come out to bail him out, and they decimate him as Angle’s music hits.

Vince is in the back describing all the stuff going on, making a joke about the Lex Express and how Buff’s been stuffed! It’s because they’re on his TV screen. He wants HHH and Steph to take it easy on vacation. He’s on the phone with them I guess, and he plugs Austin/Rock vs. Undertaker/Kane. Trish is with him, and they’re having champagne and strawberries.

Raw to commercial, and I have to say that was a great Benoit/Angle segment. Benoit cut a great promo, and the fans popped for him as well. Those guys are hot as hell tonight because of all the excitement, so let’s see how things continue.

As we return, Debra is asked if Rock/Austin can co-exist. She dodges it, and now we’re back to the ring, and the mood is about to change . . .

MATCH: TAZZ VS. VAL VENIS
Tazz in a match? You know it’s a great night. Well, this is a lumberjack match with the APA coming to ringside to join the RTC. Tazz opens up by sticking on the Tazmission right away, but with the ref distracted, Stevie hits his kick. Val goes up and misses the money shot. Brawling on the outside as Tazz lands a northern lights suplex for the quick three count! Wow mom, he really is the human wrecking machine!
WINNER: TAZZ VIA PINFALL

Vince is now talking to Regal. He mentions Animal on WCW, and asks Regal if he’s ready for a tune up match. Vince promises that his tune up match with be interesting, just like the rest of Trish’s night.

As we return from commercial, Doink the Clown is in the crowd? What the hell? Heyman talks about the gimmicks battle royal.

Regal comes out for his supposed tune-up match. He grabs the mike and says that he has a very important announcement. It concerns W-C . . . Fields. He won’t rest until he’s the new IC champ. But tonight, his warm up match will be against someone from a great wrestling family, and that’s the Hollys. Crash comes out with Molly.

MATCH: REGAL VS. CRASH HOLLY
Crash actually talks, saying he’s not a stepping stone. He knocks out Crash, and then grabs Molly, putting her in the Regal stretch! I guess that was his tune up match, but Crash invades. Then he puts Crash in his STF, and Doink comes in!! Wait a second, he puts on the Walls of Doink for a win! It’s Chris Jericho! They call for the bell, and I guess Doink gets a win? The matches haven’t exactly been long or stellar so far tonight, but this was a funny one to say the least.
WINNER: DOINK/JERICHO

Vince is in the back, and he says it’s embarrassing for Regal, but he points to Dustin Rhoades, telling us all about the Goldust gimmick, coming back to talking about Trish’s breasts as Raw goes to commercial.

When we come back, Regal says that Jericho that he has a non-title match with the Big Show.

Angle is in the back with Edge and Christian. They announce that it’s the three of them against Benoit and the Hardyz. Angle says he wasn’t tapping, he was reaching for the ropes. They bring in Rhyno, and he says he’ll bleed for Angle since they’re a friend of E and C. He doesn’t have the Integrity or Intelligence, but Rhyno definitely has Intensity, says Kurt.

JR shows us some footage from the sit-down interview. Pretty good stuff. Debra gets asked about the tag match tonight, but she blows off the question again.

Vince says it’s time to address the fans about WCW, and Trish kisses him again. Jeez. Lucky prick.

VINCE MCMAHON ADDRESSES THE WCW SALE
Vince now makes his way out as Ric Flair taps out to Stinger’s Scorpion Death Lock, and they hug afterward. What a great moment.

Vince asks to cut the music, and he wants a better announcement from Garcia. He goes back to the ramp, and she does it again. He seems ok with it, and comes to the ring as Heyman calls him the winner of the Monday Night Wars.

For the first time ever, he says, this broadcast is on TNN, but it is also on TNT . . . Tuner Network Television. There’s only one person who could’ve made this happen, and that’s Vince McMahon. He bought the competition. Now, it isn’t exactly final, but Time Warner is begging him to buy WCW, and he’s agreed. Only one small thing they haven’t heard yet. Time Warner has signed it, and Vince will sign it at Wrestlemania when Ted Turner himself delivers the contract in front of him! Damn! Some may say, how did you do it Vince? You were up against a media conglomerate, a billionaire. Vince says he has had a little help with WWF superstars, but for the most part, he did it all by himself. It was his effort alone, and his money. How can you beat a billionaire? Become one yourself. So now, when Turner walks down the aisle and begs him to sign it, he’s going to give Turner a seat so he can see what he does to his son Shane. Nobody understands being a competitor better than McMahon. He’ll squeeze the life out of Shane like he did with WCW. By the way, in his corner will be Steph, Trish, and she’ll wheel out Linda McMahon.

Now, what should he do with WCW? He’d like some input . . . he could take it and put it on the shelf. He can watch Hogan flexing in the archives, he can watch the old tapes of them talking trash to the WWF. There’s an old expression, he laughs last laughs best. Vince isn’t exactly laughing, but he’s smiling. They can do something else with WCW. They can turn it into a huge thing like WWFE. But who should be a part of it? He’s going to put a thumbs up or down for the stars they can get, and I’ll gauge the crowd pops for you. Hulk Hogan? Undecided. Lex Luger? Down. Buff Bagwell? Up I’d say. Booker T? Up. Big Poppa Pump? Definitely up. Lots of mixed reactions. There are a few others . . . Sting? Up. Goldberg? Biggest pop. Vince finds it interesting. He has a choice. He can gloat, or he could’ve gotten in his plane, fly down there and walk out there to give every WCW star a piece of his mind. How appropriate is it that WCW’s last telecast is in a beerhall, he says. He opted to come to WWF and make this announcement instead of looking in their face and say you’re fired!!!! Damn, this is great. Vince says that it’s going on the shelf, it’s buried, going nowhere. WCW will remain buried, just like everyone who gets in his way, including Shane. Vince is getting pissed at the crowd, telling them he owns everything and they should respect him. But now Shane comes out!!!

He’s via sattelite from Nitro? Holy shit!! He most certainly is, and Vince is shocked as Shane is in the ring in Panama City! Surprise dad, he says. He’s at Nitro, in a WCW ring. As usual, Vince’s ego has gotten the best of him. He has the audacity to ask Turner to finalize the deal at WM? Shane says that the deal is already finalized, and the name on the contract does say McMahon, but it reads Shane McMahon!! He owns WCW! Just like WCW kicked his ass in the past, it will again, just like he will at Wrestlemania says Shane! Shane McMahon has bought WCW, and Vince is shocked, standing in the ring with the mike laying helplessly at his feet as we go to commercial.

The Nitro era ends with Shane in the ring, and a Wrestlemania promo to close out the show. I’m shocked, and I’ve marked out about fifty times tonight, and there’s an hour of Raw left to go, so buckle up.

When we return, Vince is yelling into the phone at some attornies. He breaks some stuff and calls him a son of a bitch, breaking and kicking more stuff.

MATCH: HARDY BOYZ W/ CHRIS BENOIT VS. ANGLE WITH EDGE AND CHRISTIAN
I never thought I’d see this team, but I like the mix of mat technical skill and the extreme Hardyz. All six men begin by brawling on the outside, but Edge quickly gets control over Jeff in the ring. He tags Angle, and he opens up on Jeff with kicks and a nice side suplex. Christian comes in, decking Jeff with a hard right. Jeff comes back and tags Benoit, who works over two men, and gives a German suplex to Edge. Angle comes in to break it up, but the Hardyz hit him with poetry in motion. Benoit starts dishing out the crossface’s, getting Angle first, but he breaks out. Then he gets Christian to tap out after a nice reversal. Now Angle and Benoit go at it, which is a real treat as Benoit goes outside with a dive. Hardyz gain control over Edge and Christian with a twist of fate, but Rhyno comes out and spears Matt Hardy AND Lita, with vicious intent. Damn. I think the Hardyz need to find an ECW talent to help balance that out.
WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: HARDYZ AND BENOIT

Kane and Undertaker are interviewed by Kevin Kelly, and he tells Kelly if he were HHH, he’d take the night off too because Undertaker is a patient man. He can hide behind everyone, but he can’t hide the fact that Wrestlemania is six days away. He can’t hide from the fact that there ain’t a damn thing he can do about it. He understands that Rock and Austin have their own issues, but if they aren’t on the same page, neither one will make it to Wrestlemania.

MATCH: TEST VS. X-PAC W/ SPECIAL REFEREE EDDIE GUERERRO
X-Pac comes out escorted by the huge Albert, Test’s former tag partner. Latino Heat comes out to ref since Test is his opponent at Wrestlemania I guess, and X-Pac gets a tilt a whirl right off the bat. Uno . . . dos . . . Eddie doesn’t count. Test gets his nuts crunched on the ropes, and gets kicked off by Pac. Now he covers Test, and Eddie fast counts a two. Benchpress slam by Test, but Eddie takes out his legs and quick counts for a two. Pac lands another side kick off of the ropes, and then nails him with more footwork in the corner, setting up the bronco buster. Test runs out with a clothesline to meet him, and gains control, slamming him down but doesn’t get a count since Eddie acts like his back is hurt. Test nails Eddie out of the ring, and X-Pac goes up top as Albert hands him the belt. Test counters with his pumphandle powerslam, but Eddie pulls out the replacement ref. X-Pac tries the X-Factor, but Test stops it. Uh oh, Albert delivers the Albert bomb and Eddie counts the three. Test performed valiantly, but there was too much opposition as Eddie gets his licks in after the match.
WINNER VIA SCREWJOB: X-PAC

Stone Cold is in the back, and Cole asks him about their match. Austin says nothing and then walks away, like Ed “Too Tall” Jones in that video game commercial. Raw to commercial.

MICK FOLEY RETURNS
As Raw comes back, it’s Mick Foley! Mick Foley! He’s looking shaggy as hell, but I’m glad to see him. He says that it’s nice to know that they remember him. He plugs his new book, “Foley is Good.” That’s not why he’s there though. Maybe he needed a vacation, and what better place than right here, in Cleveland Ohio, but that’s not why he’s there. At the risk of sounding egotistical, Wrestlemania wouldn’t be the same without Mick Foley involved. With that in mind, he’s taking it upon himself to get involved in a big match, but Vince comes out. Mick says, “Hi Vince!”

Vince is in no mood for this, but Mick is fired, and if he doesn’t leave, he’ll be arrested. Mick says that they should talk this over. Mick hates to disagree with him, but as the little engine once said, I think I can, I think I can. He happens to be a history buff. When he departed the WWF, he wanted to be a genetic jackhammer, a venture Mick is told was quite unsuccessful. Mick then became commissioner, and then Vince came back. Three weeks later, he fired Mick. In the beginning of December, Mick went to Linda’s office and had a meeting, which he has on tape.

It’s Mick . . . a voice of the past of December 5, 2000 after Vince’s return the night before. If you’re looking at this Vince, I’m no longer commissioner. Linda is then shown across from him, and the contract is legal because he was still commissioner. He signed a lot of documents, and it’s going to change Vince’s life a lot. One of the documents, which Mick is holding, he can be the special guest referee for any match he chooses. He’s going to give him one guess for the match he’s choosing . . . because it’s going to be when he takes on his son, the owner of WCW, Shane McMahon. Just in case you weren’t having one before, have a nice day!

Holy crap people. This is some great stuff because I LOVE Mick Foley, and this is great. Vince saunters off looking even more pissed than before.

Later, he’s shown in the back eating strawberries, and spitting them out in disgust. He’s very, very pissed. Did I mention he was upset?

MATCH: CHRIS JERICHO VS. THE BIG SHOW
Show starts off by powering over Jericho, tossing him hard into the corner. He tries for the final cut, but Jericho comes back with a low blow and a hard forearm shot that takes them over the top rope. He chops at Show on the outside, but gets pressed into the ring over Show’s head. Now Kane comes out and attacks the Big Show! Now Raven comes out and attacks Kane while Regal takes down Jericho, and Big Show comes in and delivers the chokeslam while Kane and Raven were tussling. Show gets the three count, but Kane comes in and cracks him with a chair. Raven then comes back in, and Kane delivers a chokeslam of his own.
WINNER VIA PINFALL: BIG SHOW

Rock is walking around in the back, and asks where Steve Austin’s locker room is to some kid. The kid says “Down that way.” Rock says, “Down where? Down that way? Left? Right?” The kid says, “Down there, and to the right.” Rock asks if he’s new. The kid says, “Yeah. My name is-” but Rock puts his hand up to stop him. “No no no,” Rock says, and he walks on as Raw goes to commercial.

When Raw comes back, Buh Buh and D-Von are at WWFNY. They say Spike is ok, and that in six days, the Hardyz and E and C are going to watch the Dudleyz take TLC2 to new heights.

Debra is in the back with Austin as Rock comes in. Rock doesn’t want to team with him, and Austin says that after the match, all bets are off. Rock says, “Damn right it is.”

MATCH: ROCK AND AUSTIN VS. UNDERTAKER AND KANE
Kane comes out first, and Undertaker comes Rollin out to his awesome music, staples and all. Rock then makes his way to the ring, followed by Debra. Stone Cold is the last man out, BMFing out to the ring with his head bobbing badass strut. We’re ready to roll with the Raw main event. Kane starts out working over the Rock, but Rock gets a knockdown with a clothesline. Undertaker distracts as Kane drills Rock with a hard right, and then lands a big boot. Kane chokes for a four count, and then strattles the Rock’s neck against the ropes and tags his brother, who continues the assault, kicking and punching. Rock fires back, but gets the UT’s patented high flying clothesline off of the rope. Kane back in now, and Rock gets a spinebuste and looks for a tag. Austin faces off with the Undertaker now with UT getting the better of it with a hard clothesline. Rock is trying to pull Kane off the apron while Austin faces off with the Undertaker. Lou Thez press, but Kane comes in and hammers Austin so UT can get a big boot. Austin looks for a stunner, but UT throws him into the Rock, who was on the apron. UT gets a chokeslam, and then goes for the last ride, but HHH comes out with a chair and nails the Undertaker. Kane fights with HHH on the outside, and Austin makes the cover for the three count! So much for that vacation, huh?
WINNERS VIA PINFALL: STONE COLD AND THE ROCK 

Stone Cold calls for a couple of beers, and celebrates, going through about six before Rock comes up behind him. Austin opens up four beers to drink at once, and as he turns around, Rock delivers the Stone Cold stunner and calls for two beers, placing one next to Austin’s head as he exits to his music, waiting at the ramp to open the beer and toast Austin’s prone body, drinking some of the beer as Raw goes off of the air.