Event: WWE Monday Night RAW
Airdate: Monday, June 18th, 2012 (USA Network)
Location: The Nassau Coliseum in Long Island, NY
Results by Tony Acero

“Yes, sir, we promised you a great main event…”

We start the show with Cole pimping the 1000th RAW. I see they have their priorities straight. Ace was fired last night, and tonight he will address us all with a farewell. Cyndi Lauper is here as well! Did she bring The Goonies?!

Mick Foley starts the show off, and he is suited up! He brings up the 1000th Episode of RAW then brings up a conversation he overheard about looking for a permanent general manager for RAW. Apparently, they’re going to be looking back to the past at former GM’s to find a suitable replacement. Of course, Foley is a former Commissioner, and as such, he will be handling the duties of RAW and Smackdown this week. He has already made a match tonight in Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus and CM Punk. There is something else he must mention, however. Although, Ace was fired, he has been given the opportunity to come and give a farewell address. So, he wants us all to welcome the FORMER Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the FORMER General Manager of RAW and Smackdown, John Laurinaitis.

Ace is out with a crutch, his arm in a sling, and a neckbrace. Foley opens the ropes for him, then hugs him hard. Heavy boos for the man. He introduces himself, and asks for the crowd to tone it down a bit. He whispers into Foley’s ears, and Foley wants us to know that he wants us to show some respect and keep the noise down. He also said Long Island sucks. YOU SUCK, says Long Island. Ace tells the crowd to shut up, then says that these fans are extremely rude. Last night, before he was fired, he made tonight’s main event. John Cena vs. The Big Show, Otunga and Johnny Ace.. Oh joy. The crowd WHAT’s Ace. Ace tells Foley to have a nice day.

The music of Sheamus hits as Ace is making his way up the ramp. Sheamus walks down the ramp, and instead of running into Ace, just smiles at him, before heading to the ring. So…tag match to open the show? Yup, cuz here’s Punk. Yeah, priorities are certainly in order, tonight. Punk pulls an umpire-like “You’re outta here” for Ace before enterin the ring.

Match 1: CM Punk and Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan and Kane
Bryan and Sheamus start as the YES! Chants begin. Headlock takedown from Sheamus. Both men are up, and Sheamus hits the ropes, then a shoulder block. More rope work, Bryan hops up, and Sheamus gets him up top. Bryan struggles off, Sheamus runs, and Bryan holds the ropes down, sending Sheamus to the mat outside. Sheamus back in with a battering ram of an elbow. Bryan i in the corner and runs right into a body slam and a pin for 1…2..NO! Tag to Punk, and he flips over with a leg drop and a pin for 2. Bryan blocks a kick and trips Punk down with a kick to the thigh. Kick to the back and a tag to Kane. Kane is in with a kick of his own, then he tosses Punk into the corner. Kane with a whip to the opposite corner, followed by a clothesline to the neck. Pin for 1. Kane drags Punk to the center, works the arm a bit. Locks in an arm bar. Punk with a back elbow to the head, a kick to the gut, an uppercut, and Punk can’t knock him down. Kane with a hard right, knocking Punk down, then hits a pin for 2. Kane whips Punk to the heel corner, Punk kicks Kane out, hits Bryan with a right, back to Kane, one more to Bryan, knocking him off the apron. Kane with a right. He whips Punk to the ropes, and Punk flies back through the ropes into Bryan. Punk hangs Kane up on the ropes, goes up top and tries for a clothesline, but Kane with an uppercut to the flying Punk as we go to break!

We are back, and Kane is attempting a G2S on Kane. Kane gets out, goozles Punk, but Punk hits a high kick to the head! Both men down. Punk reaches for the tag. Sheamus off the turnbuckle with a shoulder to Kane. He knocked Bryan off the apron. Shoulder to the gut of Kane. High knee, then a body slam and a pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus with a right, tries to whip Kane, Kane reverses, Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker to Kane, though! Bryan is in the ring, so Sheamus tosses him over the rope and starts with the barrage of forearms! Kane runs, but Sheamus ducks so Kane hits Bryan! Sheamus goes for some White Noise, but Kane is too heavy. Kane sends Sheamus to the otuside, so Bryan runs into him hard with a dropkick to the face! Punk is about to go around, but the ref stops him. Kane grabs Sheamus and rolls him back in, then tags in Bryan. Kane pulls Sheamus to the cnter of the ring, nd Bryan with a dropkick to the arm. He starts in with the YES! kicks to Sheamus in the corner. Bryan backs up and hits a running dropkick into a pin for 1…2..NO! Bryan from behind with a chin lock. Sheamus is up, and turns into it. Bryan with a kick to the chest. Pin. 1…2..NO! Bryan backs up Sheamus into his corner with a headlock. Kane tags himself in. Kicks to Sheamus, as Sheamus tries for some rights. He’s able to stand, but Kane whips him into the corner. Sidewalks slam. Kane is up top. Flying clothesline, and he hits it! Pin. 1…2….NO!!! Kane grabs Sheamus, backs up in the corner. Tag from Bryan. Kick to the gut of Sheamus. YES! Stomps! Sheamus kicks Bryan away, but Bryan is back on the attack with some kicks to the chest of Sheamus. he runs with a dropkick again, but this time Sheamus moves out of the way.

Tag to Punk! Punk is in with a back kick to th ehead. he goes for the neckbreaker, but Bryan gets out and goes for a kick. Punk ducks and sends Bryan to the ropes. Powerslam from Punk! Pin for 2. Punk sends Bryan to the corner. High knee into the corner. Punk looks to go for the G2S but instead, goes up top for the elbow. Bryan runs quickly up and is looking for a superplex. He hits it! Oooooh, what fun!!! Both men are down and…..AJ’s music hits. She comes out with a Harley Quinn like outfit, mixing red and black, and a mask that looks like Kane. She skips around the ring, then back up the ramp. Kane sees, and follows her up the ramp. Bryan is screaming at Kane. CM Punk with a Go 2 Sleep, Sheamus is there to hit the Brogue Kick. Pin from Sheamus, as I suppose he was tagged in and I didn’t see. 1…2…3!!!
Winners: CM Punk and Daniel Bryan (***1/2)
Um….don’t you EVER cover AJ’s face again, WWE. NEVER!

Backstage, Jack Swagger is telling Dolph Ziggler that he was pathetic last night. He was a champ for months! Ziggler was champ for four seconds. Ziggler tells Swagger that Vickie knows who the real star is here. Swagger says, “Vickie Guerrero is a Saint!” So is Dorothy Mantooth. Vickie comes in between the two, and she says she is tired of all this bickering. She is going to make a decision tonight as to who will get her services…and admiration. It’s going to be settled in the ring, right now, thanks to Foley. WE WANT ZIGGLER chant.

Backstage, in a completely different area, Johnny Ace and David Otunga are making fun of Foley. In comes The Big Show. Show isn’t very chipper. Ace says that what’s so funny is that Cena can’t handle these three, and that the WWE Universe will never forget his name. What else is funny, is that these people don’t deserve him. He gave them the best fan experience ever. Tonight, he’ll leave a lasting impression they’ll never forget, that’s what’s funny. Show doesn’t find anything funny. Nothing at all. Then he leaves. Otunga points out that Show may be in a bad mood. Tonight, Cena will get his, says Ace.

Match 2: Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger
Lockup, followed by a go behind from Swagger. Belly to back suplex, and Swagger gets in a few push-ups. Ziggler shoots for the leg, lifts it and drops Swagger, then struts ala Flair. The crowd WOOS for him. Both guys up. Swagger with a push, Ziggler pushes back. POne more push, then Swagger ducks under, but Ziggler locks in a side headlock. Swagger tosses Ziggler up and over, and Ziggler looks to have tweaked the knee a bit. Both standing, and Swagger looks for the knee. He misses the first attempt, but hits the second. And here comes the attack on the knee. He lifts up Ziggler then drops it hard. Swagger with a stomp to the knee. He backs Ziggler in the corner, then wraps the leg around the ropes and pulls a bit. Swagger pulls the knee bad down a bit, then drops a knee on it. One more. Leg lock from Swagger. Ziggler tries to hit a right or two out of it. Swagger is working the knee hard, bending the leg forward. Swagger is playin mega-heel here, to Ziggler’s face-like action. Ziggler out of nowhere, goes for a cradle, and gets a 2!!! Ziggler looks for a Fameasser, but Swagger moves, rolls into an Ankle lock! It’s locked in the middle of the ring. Nice chant from the crowd for Ziggler. Ziggler almost makes it to the ropes, but Swagger pulls back. Ziggler tries to roll out of it, but he can’t. He musters up some strength to send Ziggler forward into the corner. Swagger flies back, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag!! Pin for 1….2….3!!!
Winner: Dolph Ziggler (**1/2)
These guys did a lot of little things within the match that made it so much more powerful and could have only been enhanced by more time. A great match, though.

After the match, Vickie enters the ring and…kisses Dolph Ziggler. Yeah, that happened. Ziggler seems okay with it.

We get a recap of Triple H telling Brock Lesnar that he wants to fight. Immediately following the vid package, we see a limo rolling into the back. I wonder who it could be…

Were you sitting there, wondering when the next time you’d hear the music of Brock Lesnar? Well worry not, for the music hits! Of course, Brock is not here, but the great Paul Heyman is and he looks quite chipper, for a balding man. He is here tonight as the advocate for BROCK LESNAR! He understands that every single person up in the tower caters to each of Trips whims, but he assures that Brock is not one of those people, so here’s a word Trips is probably not used to. “No.” No, he will not drop the lawsuit, no Heyman will not drop his lawsuit, and no Brock will not fight Triple H at Summerslam. He thanks us for the time, and he thanks Triple H as well, then looks to make his way out. But, it’s Time to Play the Game, yo! Here comes Suited Trips (Can’t happen in Poker)! Triple H circles Heyman in the ring. Actually, they circle each other…like bad dancing. Triple H claims that we’re not in a bingo hall, and Trips doesn’t like Kool-Aid. he knows what Paul is, a habitual liar. The thing is, Brock is going to fight him at Summerslam. Paul cuts him off, then Triple H cuts him off. Triple H only wants to listen to one guy; Brock Lesnar. He wants Brock to be a man and fight Triple H at Summerslam. Brock wants to make him a star? Triple H can do that. We see the poster for Summerslam, and it’s Brock big ol mug all over it. All Brock has to do is agree to fight Triple H, and Brock’s going to be a star.

Heyman questions Trips inability to appease Brock’s ego. Heyman says that Brock has no ego. Trips brings up the name change to RAW as defense against that. “It’s all about ego for Brock.” – says the pot. Brock will do this, because if he doesn’t, he’ll go down as the guy that is afraid of Triple H. Heyman calls Triple H good, he’s really THAT DAMNED GOOD. He almost had Paul going. He tells Triple H to stop, please, pretty please. Stop pretending to be a wrestler, an asskisser, because he’s not that anymore. Heyman tells HHH to go back home to his little princesses and play the King of King because in Brock and Paul’s world, he’s not the king of anything. Heyman wants to know if Trips is gettin pissed off, and if he’s going to hit Paul. Heyman says Triple H is getting more and more like Vince as days go by, and just like he used to push every one of Vince’s buttons, he knows how to push HHH’s too. Heyman points his chin out, taunting H to hit him. He says if Trips even thinks of hitting him, Heyman and Brock will own this joint. In Heyman and Brock’s WWE, he has nothing for Triple H….but he does have something for Stephanie! Hahahahahaahha! Beautiful!

Trips balls up the first. Heyman beckons him to hit him. He dares him. Trips releases Paul, fixes his tie, then stands tall. Heyman knew HHH wouldn’t hit him, because Heyman can outhink him every single time. he knows everything he’s going to do long before he does it. Paul is smarter than H, he sees everything HHH is going to do from a mile away. HHH pulls back and decks him in the face. Triple H picks up the mic. He wants to know if Paul saw that coming. HHH says he will see Brock Lesnar at Summerslam, unless he’s afraid the same thing will happen to him.

Match 3: Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella
Del Rio starts with a kick, then sends Santino to the corner and stomps him down . Snapmare into a dropkick to the head. Pin for 1…2..NO! Del Rio with an arm bar and a jaw wrench. He is able to get out of it, Santino is, and gets some of his offense in, including a headbutt. he kicks Del RIo out of the corner, and goes for his Cobra. Del Rio with an enziguri, then he locks in the cross arm breaker for the quick tapout.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio (1/2*)
Meaningless, I suppose, also weird to see Del Rio come back ONE day after the PPV he had to miss.

After the match, Del Rio leaves but Ricardo stays. He grabs the arm of Santino and falls back hard, then leaves as well.

A nice little video package is next to justify why Cyndi Lauper is there tonight.

We’re back to the show, and Layla is in the middle of the ring. As part of the 1000th episode, it is her honor to introduce two women, Wendi Richter and Cyndi Lauper. Richter looks beefy. It was 1985 when they were last here together in this ring. The three have a little dance and hug. Lauper says it’s been a while, yo. Cole, right away makes fun of the segment. Lauper introduces Richter. She claims it was like just yesterday when Lauper was her maanger when she became champion. They are cut off by….Heath Slater. He wants the ladies to hold on. He knows that we are nowhere near the Long Island Railroad, but this…is a trainwreck. hahahaha, Lauper says, “Who are you?” Beautiful! Slater, introduces himself. His hair is about as bronzed as his skin. Slater says he’s not going to let the ladies ruin his moment, so how bout they just leave the ring so the whole world can witness his first single. WE WANT RYDER chant. Salter sings a note or two. Lauper compares him to a dying cat. The pipes hit!

HERE’s RODDY!!!!!! His bastard ass gets a kiss from Layla, then confuses Richter with RECTER, which is close to erection, so makes sense. He tells Slater to leave. Slater says Roddy never liked Lauper, anyways! Lauper says he changed his ways and wants to apologize. Rowdy says not exactly, then brings up the Rock n Wrestling connection. He wants to do one more thing. He has been waiting a long time to do this. He has something special for Cyndi. Stage hand hands him a plaque with a gold record in it. A long time ago, there was a great manager named Captain Lou Albano. Roddy was having a bad day and he hit Cpt. Lou over the head with a gold record. He wants to give Lauper this gold on behalf of himself and Cpt. Lou. Cole’s giggling is asinine right now. He also wants to give it to Cyndi on behalf of the WWE Universe. To one of the best ladies paired with this business, and he wants to thank her for everything.

Slater calls for an end. It was 20 years ago, he says. No one remembers or cares. how bout all four of them get out of his ring and shut up so the whole world can hear his single. He begins singing once again. Piper with a poke to the eye of Salter. Salter comes, and Cyndi busts the record that she was just given on behalf of us right over Heath’s head.

Primo and Epico are in the middle of the ring with scowls. Abraham Washington is here, hereafter being known as AW, and he introduces The Primetime Players.

Match 4: Primo and Epico vs. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young
Titus starts by dropping an elbow on Epico’s head. Whip to the ropes and after some weak offense, Titus hits a big boot, tag to Darren, then a body slam. He fornt suplexes Darren atop Epico and a pin gets 2. Another pin gets 2. Knee to the back from Darren. Epico is up with a right, but Darren ends it with a kick, then an attempted back suplex. Epico rolls off and tags in Primo. Primo with a whip, he hits a back elbow, then a clothesline, followed by a dropkick. Primo with a chop in the corner. Darren reverses a whip, and Primo flies off the ring with a whisper in the win like maneuver. Titus is in, so is Epico. Titus sends Epico outside, Primo sends Titus to the outside. Darren goes for his gut buster, but Primo reverses and hits the Backstabber! He is about to pin, but Titus pulls Darren out of the ring. Double baseball slide. Primo and Epico are looking to dive, but AW gets in the way, stopping Primo and Epico. He backs them up the ramp, and the ten count hits.
Winner: Primo and Epico (*1/2)
I don’t get why Epico and Primo wouldn’t do the dive anways, considering what happened last night…

Chris Jericho returns to RAW next week, along with his band Fozzy!

We’re back to the show, and Ace is tracksuit ready. He says that last night, John Cena cheated. He and five other men attacked Show. After this, Ace was fired, then Cena proceeded to dump him through the announce table. He’s not the loser here, though. Big Show isn’t the loser here, either. The biggest loser here is each and every one of us, because now we don’t have People Power. “You’re a loser! You’re a loser! You’re a loser! You’re cool! You’re a loser! You’re a loser!” This is one of the darkest days in WWE history. Didn’t we just have that, according to Cole? He is going to give us the biggest beat down of John Cena, ever! He wants to introduce his partner, David Otunga.

Match 5: John Cena vs. The Big Show, John Laurinaitis and David Otunga
Dueling chants to start, as Otunga flexes for absolutely no one. Lockup, into a quick body slam. Cena with an elbow drop. He tosses Otunga into the corner, hits a bulldog. Otunga calls for a tag, but Ace backs up on the stairs. Cena with a blow to the back. He looks for a suplex. Hits it. Cena watches as Otunga struggles for a tag. Chop to the back of Otunga. Cena with a side slam. He tosses Otunga into the corner, whips him into the other, goes for a clothesline, but Otunga moves. Cena rolls out of the ring, and Otunga sends him shoulder first into the steps. Otunga rolls Cena back in. He beats down on him in the corner until the ref breaks it up. Otunga sends him into the corner with a weak ass clothesline, then hits a shoulderblock. 1…2…NO! Otunga hits the seated Cena with another shoulderlblock. Pin for 2. Otunga almost trips over Cena’s sneaks, then drops an elbow on Cena. WE WANT RYDER! WOO WOO WOO. Otunga with another elbow drop. Ace thinks Otunga has beat him up enough, cuz he’s calling for a tag. Here comes Johnny. He drops the crutch, removes the neckbrace, then hits the stomps! Oh Mylanta, he’s not hurt!!!! People Power, says Ace! He covers for 1, as Cena kicks out. Ace is shocked. He goes back to his corner for the tag, but Otunga isn’t down. He drops down to the mat, then reconsiders it all and walks away from the ring to a loud ass pop. Ace does the slow turn to see Cena. Cena with a few rights. He pulls the back of Ace’s shirt and slaps the back then hits proto-bomb. Ace has vision problems that causes a lack of ability to comprehend Cena with his eyes! Attitude Adjustment from Cena. Teddy is calling for another one. Attitude Adjustment aain. One Mo Gin! Third AA gets Cena to turn Ace over and lock in the STF for the tapout win.
Winner: John Cena (*1/2)
I suppose it was a nice ending to the reign of terror that Ace has created…although, if rumors are correct then he’ll be back soon

Credit: Tony Acero

What Happened *AFTER* RAW Ended – HUGE SEGMENT w/ DAVE BATISTA!!!!…..